the great prank war
by emryses
Summary: welcome to the draco vs lina prank war. read at your own risk. trilogy spinoff multichapter, and sequel to "to be continued" chapter 3. / dedicated to celia and lily
1. prank one: the vault

**the great prank war**

(prank number one: the vault)

**a/n: this is a direct sequel of 'to be continued' chapter 3 (whether you read chapters 1 and 2 is irrelevant to this). i started this on july...24ish? this was originally just going to be a mere chapter of the 'to be continued' collection, until it grew and grew to be a 20k (...and counting!) monster, so. i've decided to post it as a completely separate short little multichap, with the chapters being the separate pranks. the first four-five chapters are already done, so i'll just post them gradually. i'm hoping to finish this by the end of august/beginning of september.**

**dedicated to celia and lily, ilysm & thanks for everything! good luck in college x **

* * *

Not only was the war of the green Crocs iconic on its own, but it was also iconic because it spurred the Great Prank War, which would in a couple years be told to the Next Generation as stories to entertain them - with less graphic detail, of course.

It all started when an extremely annoyed Lina came home, having dealt with all her daily work activities while wearing _Crocs and green hair_, though at least she managed to cover up the hair with a shawl for most of the day.

"I'm not talking to you for doing this to me," she said immediately to Draco, before he could even say anything.

He merely raised an eyebrow at her as she was finally able to get the Crocs off, as the Sticking Charm had worn off. "So how did you think this was going to go down, my dear, _dear, _flower? Was I just supposed to _lie low_ and _let you _prank me?"

Lina looked at him, and the corner of her mouth twitched, but she hid it. "Personally, Draco, I just didn't view you as the pranking type. Back when we were at Hogwarts together, I don't remember you _ever _pulling a prank, though I do remember you criticizing _me _for doing so."

"You didn't - are you saying that you didn't think I was capable of pranks?"

"Well, I mean, you've proved that you _are, _but it's not like you'll ever reach _my _level. I've been pranking ever since the days when I was on the run with Luke, Thalia, and Annabeth," she said, loftily. He stared at her. She was goading him, _and _it was clear that she knew _exactly _what she was doing.

"_I can _do pranks _just as good as you_, you know," Draco told her. "I've proven that today, haven't I love?"

Lina snorted, as if it weren't possible.

He felt a burning desire to prove her wrong. "Are you challenging me, Quimby?"

"Perhaps so, Malfoy," she replied.

Draco chuckled, shaking his head. "You're _so _going to regret coming here and egging me on like this. You know what? I know why you're doing this, it's because _you_, my love, feel threatened by me."

"Threatened? By _you?" _she raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"At the fact that _I _was capable of out pranking you and _your _idea came from Granger as a joke in the first place," he smirked when he noticed her secretly seething.

Lina started putting down her files. "Are you implying that we have a prank war?"

"I don't know, Lina, are _you _implying that we have a prank war?"

The couple glared at each other from across the room, before they came to the silent agreement that they were indeed going to have a prank war. They then proceeded to kiss and cuddle as if nothing happened.

* * *

"You entered a prank challenge with _Lina?" _asked Blaise, his eyes widening. "_Why?"_

"Because I want to prove to her that she is _not _the only one in the relationship who can successfully pull pranks on people," he said, without skipping a beat.

"But...she _is _the one that usually successfully pulls pranks on people," stated Blaise. "She'd have gotten away with the Crocs one too if I didn't take pity on you and decide to thwart her."

"_I _reversed the Crocs prank over on her!" he insisted.

"One prank? While reversed?" asked Blaise, raising an eyebrow. "Mate. She has literal connections in prankery: those Weasley twins, _who own a prank store,_ love her. You do know what you're getting into, right? Okay, let me ask this: which of you _started this?"_

Draco took a breath, "Definitely all _Lina, _the infuriating girl came home and then literally started egging me on, saying how she was surprised that I actually pulled a prank, and then went on to inform me that I'd never pull pranks as good as her, therefore getting _me _pissed and feeling like I needed to prove myself, which quite frankly, I do."

Blaise looked at him. "Any idea _why _she just decided to egg you on?"

He smirked. "See, I don't think she likes the fact that I had the potential to _out prank her. _I think Lina did this because she _thinks _she can crush me in a prank war, therefore restoring her prank ego, _but _I'm not going to give it to her."

"You both have your strengths over the other. Prankery is one of _hers._ _She is going to crush you in a prank war!" _yelled Blaise.

"_Whose side are you on?" _was the retort. "If you help me...I think we could actually have a strong chance."

Blaise looked at him for a while, before taking a breath. "The _next time _you and Lina decide to get into shit, because with you two there will _always be _a next time, I'm staying well out of it."

* * *

The couple, Draco in particular, didn't really know when the war would start or _who _would make the first move.

So, after a week of awkwardness regarding the prank war, Lina was the one who set things in motion. She took a nervous breath as she stood in front of Malfoy Manor where Draco's mother lived, knocking on the door. She never really went to this place without her boyfriend accompanying her, so it was a bit nerve-wracking, but she had to get a sense of whether this prank would work.

"Lina. What a lovely surprise," said Narcissa.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," said Lina, sincerely.

"Of course not," she said, quickly. "Come in."

Lina followed her into the newly-renovated Manor, taking a seat with her on the couch.

"Tippy!" she called, and a small house-elf rushed over. "Some tea and cookies over here for Lina and I, please."

"Yes, mistress!" The elf nodded and went off.

"For what do I owe this visit?" Narcissa asked, giving the younger woman a small smile.

Lina sighed. "You may or may not approve of this, but I'm just going to outright say it: Draco and I are involved in a prank war."

"A prank war?" repeated the elder woman, raising an eyebrow. There was an awkward silence between the two, interrupted by Tippy delivering the tea and cookies, before Narcissa spoke, "How may I help you?"

"Wait _what?" _asked Lina, surprised. She didn't think she'd actually get this far. Lina either thought that a) she would say that she didn't like pranks, or b) she'd say that she didn't feel comfortable helping prank her son.

"Dear, I know I _look _like I'd be averse to this sort of thing, but I'm really not. My sisters and I pulled loads of pranks back when we weren't all estranged," she sipped her tea, her mouth twitching. "How _else _do you think we were able to handle Sirius?"

Lina laughed openly at that, before she asked, "So...you don't mind helping _me _prank _your _son?"

She paused for a minute, before admitting. "Well...it would be quite funny. I draw the line at injury, though. What do you have in mind?"

"I was thinking you could somehow close the Malfoy vaults for just a couple days?" she paused, eating a cookie. "And do something really discreet in order to make it seem like the vaults are _completely _out of money permanently? I can't do anything, as I'm not a Malfoy."

"I could do that," said Narcissa finally, looking at the younger woman intently.

* * *

Draco didn't suspect a single thing when he went to Gringotts in order to take some money out of the Malfoy vaults in order to take care of some expenses.

"I need to enter the Malfoy vaults," he told the goblin at the front, presenting the key.

"Sorry, the Malfoy vaults are closed," stated the goblin, looking at him.

"What do you _mean _they're closed? I am the Malfoy _heir, _and I have the face and the _key _to prove it," he snapped.

"It doesn't matter who you are. They're _locked. _There's no way to enter them," said the goblin.

"Do you have any idea of when they'll be _unlocked?" _asked Draco, trying to keep himself from exploding.

"Right now, it's looking permanent," frowned the goblin. "We just control the bank. I have no idea as to why it is like this."

"...That is literally where all the family money is," insisted Draco, "As I, as well as any possible future children and descendants I have, do not want to be bankrupt, can you _please _work harder on finding out?"

"Don't you have a veteran girlfriend?" leered the goblin.

"Leave her out of this, please. This is about the Malfoy vaults, _not _vault Quimby," he stressed. "You _know _that the old money that certain families have supersedes the new money that the prominent war veterans have. She alone does not and will never have _this _kind of money and it is for that reason that I want to avoid using her vault and take what she has rightfully earned. You'd better find the Malfoy money, or you'll _regret _it."

The goblin hesitated, but faltered under Draco's glare. "Of course, Heir Malfoy. We'll let you know as soon as we do."

* * *

"Flower? Are you home? _Please _be home. I need to discuss something serious," called Draco, entering the house. The Malfoys were _broke. _Literally _broke. _And what did this mean for his mother?

"I'm here," her voice rang out from the living room, and there she was, handling some more Auror files as always.

"Okay," he said, trying to keep his voice under control. "I just found out that the entire Malfoy family line is _bankrupt, _and I may sound calm, but trust me, I am _extremely _far from calm at the moment."

"_Bankrupt?" _asked Lina, her eyes widening with both shock and terror. "How on earth did that happen?"

"I went to Gringotts, and they said the vault was _locked._ Nobody can get any money out of there. Do you _know _how much money we had in the vaults?"

"A _lot?" _she guessed. "I mean, for now we could use my money -"

"Not only could we live comfortably, but I could take you out to extravagant dinners every single night, we could go on vacations whenever we wanted, we could have twelve kids and put them through life, and there would _still _be a fair amount left. You could quit the Aurors and you'd still be _covered for life_ if you married into this family," he stated, trying to get her to understand the intensity of the issue, and _exactly _how much money the Malfoys had. Since she was easy to please financially, he didn't think that she _truly _knew the sheer wealth of who she was dating.

"_Quitting the Aurors and having twelve kids?" _Lina looked absolutely horrified at the thought of that lifestyle. "Why on _earth _would you even think about that?"

"That's not the point!" he exclaimed in exasperation. "_The point _is that the Malfoy vaults are _locked_! My mother _uses _that money, Lina! I don't even have the guts to tell her about this; I want to see if _we _can solve the issue."

"Okay," she took a breath, "Maybe there's just been a mix-up, it'll probably be available tomorrow. You should rest -"

"_REST?" _he practically screamed at her, "When all my money's gone? We have to _look _for it."

"Well, we know it's somewhere deep in Gringotts," reasoned Lina.

"The goblins are not going to help us," said Draco, sighing with exasperation.

"We could sneak into Gringotts _ourselves, _then. Draco, it'd be perfect! I'll go with you tomorrow. _I'll _charmspeak a goblin to get us through the gates, and we'll at least see what's going on with the vaults."

"You would do that for me, flower?" said Draco, wide eyed.

"Of course," smiled Lina, leaning over to give him a kiss. But Draco, still restless about the money, didn't sleep a wink that night. He was merely listening to the soft, little, snores that his girlfriend emitted, which soothed him a little.

* * *

The next morning, the couple went to Gringotts together hand-in-hand. One of them was nervous, just wanting to find their money. The other one was relishing how _gullible _the first person was. _He thought he could beat _her _in a prank war? Oh, _please.

"Hi, we want to take a look at the Malfoy vaults, please," said Lina to the goblin in front.

The goblin leered at her. "I told your little boyfriend yesterday. The vaults are _closed."_

"Are you sure about that?" asked Lina. The charmspeak in her voice was now evident, because it was even affecting Draco. She hardly ever used it for the past couple years due to not wanting to manipulate anyone; he'd forgotten what it sounded like.

"Well...I don't know…"

"Why don't you let us take a look at the vault?" she asked the goblin.

Her voice made Draco start moving towards the vaults himself, but she grabbed him, pulling him towards her. He blinked for a second.

The goblin nodded, gesturing they follow him into a cart. The couple got in, and they sped off towards the inner parts of the bank.

"Are you _sure _about this, love?" Draco asked Lina. His face got paler as they rode deeper and quickly through the bank.

"No," she admitted, squeezing his hand in comfort. "But it doesn't hurt to see what's going on with the vaults."

"Here are the Malfoy vaults," the goblin grunted. Draco looked at them, noticing that they looked the same. "They've been locked since yesterday morning."

Lina got off, pulling a stunned Draco behind her. She then simply went through her bag, got out a key, and opened them.

"...Looks like they're unlocked after all!" said the goblin, looking confused, but relieved nonetheless.

"_What just happened?" _demanded Draco.

"Did you _actually _think the vaults were gone?" Lina asked him, staring at him in amusement.

"_You mean to say this was all a prank?" _he snarled at her. "You let me go on for a night believing we were bankrupt!"

"We _are _in a prank war, after all!" she said cheerfully.

"How — you're not a Malfoy, you can't control the vaults!"

She merely gave him a smirk as she sat back down on the cart, and needless to say, he was _definitely _cold towards her as the goblin brought them back up.

* * *

"That doesn't make sense," argued Blaise, when Draco told him about the prank. "Lina can't do that. She's not _married _to you as of this moment. She is not a Malfoy, she has _no control _regarding the vaults."

"That's what I was thinking," agreed Draco. "I had no clue she could pull that off... _That's _why I didn't think it was a prank. The only people that have control of the Malfoy vaults are me and my mother."

"Unless…" Blaise trailed off, before he shook his head. "Nah. It's out of proportion."

"Even if it doesn't make sense, I'll take what I can get, Blaise. Tell me what you're thinking," he said bluntly.

"What if…" he trailed off. "Lina enlisted your mother to help her in the prank war?"

Draco paused for a moment. "That...that wouldn't make any sense. My mother and Lina are cordial, but they _are not close, _and have never been. They literally don't talk to each other unless I'm there in the room! Second, would my mother _really _fuck me over like that?"

"But it's exactly the sort of prank curveball that _Lina _would pull," pointed out Blaise. "She knows that you know that they aren't close, _and _she knows that you won't suspect her tampering with the vaults."

"Okay, but what about my _second _question?"

"I...I'm not quite sure. Maybe your mother thought it'd be funny since it was only for a day? I mean, it's actually _a little _funny —"

"There is nothing funny about this, Blaise," hissed Draco, though he admitted secretly that he and Lina would probably do something like that to a child of their own for fun. "I'll let mother know how _insulting _this was. After that, I'll deal with my _lovely _girlfriend. Lina wants to go low? We'll just go low _right back." _

* * *

"Now is _not _the time to think that you won this. You need to prepare."

Currently, the Golden Quartette were sitting at dinner in Diagon Alley, discussing the prank that Lina pulled on Draco.

"_Prepare?" _asked Lina, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, _prepare," _snapped Hermione. "Sure, you might've pulled the first prank, but there's _definitely _going to be a comeback prank. You made him think he was _bankrupt, _of all things!"

Harry and Ron laughed openly at that.

"We get it, for the _fourth time! _It was funny," said Hermione quickly. "But he's going to make a comeback, and you have to be ready for it."

"Mione, I can _sense _a prank. I'll be careful," promised Lina, sipping her champagne.

"Meanwhile, we should think about a new prank -"

"Ron! There are lines here. I'm _not _going to prank him two times in a row," insisted Lina. "We wait until he makes a move… _if _he makes a move, and then strike."

"Well, we should prepare either way, if Malfoy _does _do a comeback prank we need to have something up our sleeve," said Harry.

"We could enlist Fred and George," suggested Lina, and the idea was met with approval.

"Ginny, too," added Harry.

"And Sirius!" added Lina, a twinkle in her eyes. "He's a Marauder, after all."

"Team Lina, I can see it now," agreed Ron.

"Any ideas about a new prank?" asked Harry, raising an eyebrow.

"Not at the moment," frowned Lina, "The money prank was my peak as of this moment. But I'm sure with the four of us, Ginny, Fred, and George, we'll eventually think of _something."_

* * *

**a/n: idk, don't ask. hope you enjoyed?**

**please r&r :)**

**-ana**


	2. the polyjuice fiasco

the polyjuice fiasco

**a/n: welcome to chapter two of the draco vs lina prank war. potentially hands down my fav one. most of this chap was written on my phone back when i was on vacation oof. since a lot of this story is already done, how this is going to work is that i'm just going to update a chapter every day, and then when i run out i'll just continue from there. **

**big s/o to lily for helping me with both this chapter & the next one. **

**enjoy! x**

* * *

For a week, neither member of Dralina striked. Draco realized that it'd be better to do nothing for a while. That way, Lina would be kept on her toes, as she and her group (now dubbed "_Team Lina"_) were now getting increasingly paranoid as they were a hundred percent sure he was going to strike at some point.

Eventually, "_Team Draco," _which consisted of himself, Blaise, Daphne, Theo, and Astoria, decided to finally sit down to devise a plan to get back at Lina for the vault prank.

"So, it's us versus a bunch of hotheads, what could go wrong?" drawled Draco.

"_But she has the Weasley twins and a Marauder!" _insisted Theo. "We have to be careful."

"But we have strategy —"

"_But. She. Has. The. Weasley. Twins. And. A. Marauder."_

"Theo, they aren't _gods!" _Draco hissed at him. "The one thing all these so-called _Team Lina _people have in common is that they're literally all hotheaded Gryffindors."

"What if," said Blaise, a thoughtful expression on his face. "We try and figure out what they're up to next, and use it against them?"

"Lina is _not _going to tell me what she's up to next," said Draco, shaking his head at the thought.

"But she'll tell Potter, who has plans to leave on an Auror mission," said Blaise, raising an eyebrow. "Oh... she'll tell Potter _anything."_

The last part caused Draco to give him a withering glare. "That was a _short fifth-year relationship. _I know they're extremely close and there's nothing I can do about that, but can you _not _make it sound as if she's having a full blown affair with him? He has a _girlfriend. _And Lina has _me," _he emphasized the 'me'.

Blaise shrugged, giving him a cheeky grin. The Greengrass sisters openly laughed at his jealous rant, causing Draco to glare at them.

"You're suggesting Polyjuice?" asked Daphne, raising an eyebrow. "That'll take a _month _to brew."

"I've already started brewing it."

"You _what?" _exclaimed Draco.

Blaise shrugged. "I was just waiting for the right moment to tell you about it. I thought it'd come in handy for this."

"How did you even...Blaise...you know what, I _don't _want to know how you got Potter's hair," said Astoria honestly.

"But I do," cut in Draco, looking intently at Blaise.

"I just Accioed a piece of his hair to me," he shrugged. "Potter felt a split second of pain, but it went away before he could notice anything else."

"You're crazy," stated Draco. "...But it could work."

"Polyjuicing as Potter?" Theo asked, "I see that as wrong on so many levels."

"But it would _definitely _get him into the insiders of Team Lina," pointed out Blaise reasonably. "Just say that the Auror mission was finished early, and she'll tell you _anything."_

"Blaise. I think this would work, but the next time you say the word '_anything' _in a seductive way regarding Lina and Potter, I will personally destroy you with my bare hands."

* * *

Draco watched as Blaise finished stirring the Polyjuice Potion. "It's ready. So, the real Potter's gone, right?"

"I heard Lina-flower talking to him on her phone last night at 1am, and according to what I heard, he left this morning via Apparition," smirked Draco. "_And _I heard that the meeting was today at 11. She should _really_ stop counting on me to be asleep at 1am."

"Perfect," said Blaise. "Ready to be Potter? Soon, our dearest Lina will tell you _any -"_

"Don't you even try to finish that sentence," growled Draco. "Just give me the potion."

Blaise gave him the Polyjuice Potion, and Draco drank it. He shuddered, but noted that Potter's potion actually tasted _good. _He felt his height getting just a little shorter, and his more built body getting more scrawnier. He was annoyed already.

"Hello, Potter," his friend winked at him, handing him a mirror. Draco stared at himself. He certainly _looked _like Potter, alright.

"I look awful," said Draco, bluntly. "I look...like _Potter."_

"Try not to act like yourself. Lina _knows _you well. She dates you, hangs out with you, argues with you, and _sleeps _with you. If you act like yourself, she will see _right through you," _stated Blaise. "Where do you think the team meeting is?"

"Well, obviously not our place...she's not _that _much of an idiot. Potter is gone, so probably not his place...I'd guess Weasley and Granger, honestly."

Blaise smirked. "Then you know where to go."

* * *

"Harry, hey!" greeted Lina through the phone. "How's your mission going?"

"Good," he said, his voice strained. "I've just gotten off the phone with Gin. I've gotten to Prague safely. I just have to somehow find the person I'm looking for."

"Yaxley?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "The fact that he's hiding out in Prague astonishes me."

"I mean, it's a nice place. I'm not surprised," said Harry. "So you lot are having a Team Lina meeting today?"

"Yeah, we need to see where we stand and think of comeback pranks just in case. We're just waiting for everyone at Mione's, save for Sirius as he has some Auror business to take care of... shame you're in Prague," she sighed.

"You guys can reach me later, and I'll see if I have any ideas for you," said Harry, chuckling. "I have to go now and work, so I'll see you later."

A couple minutes later, a knock came on the door. "I'll get it!" she called.

Harry was the one there, though he looked different. "Hey, Lina, I've come back from the mission early," he said, his voice slightly more confident than usual. He almost sounded like Draco for a second.

She stared blankly at him. _She was _just _on the phone with him and he was literally working in Prague!_

"Harry," she said, evenly. "Weren't you just in Prague...like, a hot second ago?"

"I came back early," he said, "The mission is completed. I'm just in time for the meeting, though, aren't I?"

"So you've _found _Yaxley and brought him back for arrest in only five hours?" asked Lina in utter disbelief, raising an eyebrow. "_And _you came back after calling me ten minutes ago?"

"Yes," he said, smugly. "Yes, I did."

He got her blank stare again. Harry? Smug? No, that was _definitely _someone from Team Draco in Polyjuice. Maybe even Draco himself.

She allowed herself to get closer to _Harry, _almost as if she was going to kiss him. "Well, I for one, are very glad that you're back," she said seductively. "It's hard enough keeping our secret, but you leaving like that! You and I have some lost time to make up for in bed. Let's go see the others!"

Looking behind her, she took relish in the absolutely horrified look on his face.

* * *

Draco was _horrified. His _Lina was having a secret affair with Potter? She said _bed. _She said the word _bed! _Sure, he was currently in an intense prank war with her, but they still...dated and shared intimate moments daily. She didn't hate him _that much, _right? But he couldn't blow his cover _and _he needed to know more about their supposed affair, so he just followed her.

"Surprise!" she cheerfully called to the others. He looked around the room to see Granger, Weasley, and female Weasley. "Harry's arrived early!"

"It's only been a day!" exclaimed female Weasley. Before Draco knew it, her arms flung around him and she was kissing him fully. He nearly recoiled, it wasn't the same. He also saw that Lina was narrowing her eyes at the scene, as if she was _jealous. _What the hell is happening…?

"Harry!" she interjected, her voice sweet and flirty. "Why don't we sit down?"

She linked her arm with his, standing abnormally close to him as they sat down on the couch. Female Weasley watched the scene with a calculating gaze, but didn't say anything.

"Hey! Sorry we're late," said Weasley twin number one, sitting down. Draco wasn't sure who was who.

"It was hard getting out of the shop," said the second twin, who was carrying a huge load of pranking items in a bag. Draco eyed the bag beadily. The twin began opening the bag, but was interjected by Lina.

"George! Why don't we hold off for a moment on prank items, hm?" she said quickly, and she moved so she was practically on Draco's lap. The female Weasley looked confused, but not angry_. What was happening? Were they in a fight? Was it over Lina? _

"You look good today," she added, her voice a soft purr. "I'll be right back, I have to use the bathroom. Hermione, Ginny, come with me, I need to discuss something."

* * *

Instead of the bathroom, Lina insisted that they went to Ron and Hermione's bedroom and put Silencing Charms on the door.

"Ginny, I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend -"

"Oh, I know," she said. "I know that's _not_ Harry. He recoiled when I hugged and kissed him! The real Harry would never do that. Also, he sounds weird. He sounds like _your _boyfriend."

"If I flirt with him long enough, he'll expose himself," Lina said, her eyes twinkling.

"Are you sure it's Malfoy?" asked Hermione, raising an eyebrow. "It could be Blaise or something, he _is _on Team Draco, after all."

"No, it's Draco. _Definitely_ Draco. _Only _Draco would have such a horrific expression when I flirted with _Harry," _said Lina.

"I give you permission to flirt with him _so obviously _that he runs for the hills," said Ginny, a wicked grin on her face.

Lina nodded. "And can you in some way discreetly inform Ron, Fred, and George that it's actually Draco? If I'm going to go obvious, they need to know that I'm not trying to jump in on their sister's boyfriend."

"Of course," nodded Hermione, and the three of them made their way back to the couch.

* * *

Draco was left alone with Weasley and his two older brothers. It was dead silent, and he thought about eavesdropping on the three girls, especially the dynamic between Lina and female Weasley, but instead decided not to think about Lina and the supposed affair, and decided to ask the twins about their pranking items. That's why he came after all. "So, uh...what do you guys have planned for Lina to use on Malfoy?"

"Well, I want her to be back here when we show the items," one of the twins grinned.

"We have some interesting things in store," added the other.

He clenched his fist, causing their brother to look at him weirdly. The three girls came back, and they seemed to be amicable with each other. Granger and female Weasley were talking to the boys about something.

"What is it?" asked Draco.

"We were just telling them some prank ideas we thought of while in the bathroom," replied Granger, "Right, boys?"

"Of course," said one of the twins.

Lina, again, sat abnormally close to him. While he usually would've been very pleased with that situation, he was...he was _disguised as Potter, so she shouldn't be doing that. _"Do you want to come home with me after this, Harry? Draco told me he's working late," she told him seductively, and his eyes widened. She tried kissing him, but he moved away.

He looked at female Weasley, who was calmly examining her nails.

"Um..._why?" _asked Draco. "What about Ginny?"

Lina laughed at him, "_Why? _Because you're _so good _in bed! Ginny understands, remember? It's a polyamorous relationship! Do you know how _terrible _Draco is in bed? Gods! I need some good sex once in a while -"

"_WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" _he exploded. "_I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT LOVE YOU, AND YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH POTTER?"_

Everyone in the room, bar him, burst into hysterical laughter. Both Lina and the female Weasley were on the floor laughing, and Weasley and Granger were holding on to each other to prevent themselves from doing the same.

"You really thought you could get away with this, Draco?" asked Lina, taking a breath through her laughter. "You really thought you could _disguise yourself _as Harry and get away with it?"

"Goodbye, Malfoy," added Weasley, sneering.

Suddenly, the twins got up, grabbed Draco against his will, and began pushing him towards the door. "One quick question, are you actually having an affair with Potter?"

"_NO!" _yelled Lina. "Wait a second..._how _did you get Harry's hair? For the Polyjuice?"

"Blaise apparently managed to _Accio _a piece of it," smirked Draco.

"Ugh, both you and Blaise need to _stay away from me!" _she exclaimed, as the twins slammed the door on him.

* * *

"How'd it go?" Blaise asked, raising an eyebrow when he met up with his friend.

"Somehow, she _found me out," _sighed Draco. "Instead of outright telling me that she knew, she decided to have a little bit of fun and _flirt_ with me, aka Potter. _She went as far as to say that he gave her good sex!"_

"That's _exactly _something she'd do if she found out. Were you acting too smug? I told you to dial back on that," commented Blaise, earning him a glare.

"Also, I recoiled when she-Weasel kissed me. I just could not."

"How did the Weasleys take to the flirting?" asked Blaise, raising an eyebrow.

"They didn't mind. I was horrified, until I revealed myself, and they started laughing. I realized that they were all in on it with Lina somehow," said Draco, shaking his head. "We failed, mate. Miserably."

"There will be _other _opportunities to get back at the lot," said Blaise, reassuring him. "The prank war's barely started."

He hesitated. "You're right, Blaise. But there's just _one thing _that's been bugging me about all this. I know that the whole affair thing was all just...a big _joke _to her, but it made me worried that I -"

"Draco. She'd never. You know that," he said firmly.

"_All _her Auror colleagues are men-"

"You're being ridiculous," he assured. "Look, yes, Lina jokes about it. But I promise, she would not _actually _do it. I have given her the Blaise Stamp of Approval for a reason. Anyways, my idea for a prank on her - have you two had sex in the past month?" asked Blaise, raising an eyebrow.

Draco nodded. "We have, but how does that help in terms of pranks?"

"Excellent!_ We have to scare her into thinking she's pregnant,"_ said Blaise, smirking.

* * *

**a/n: and there's part two. part three coming tomorrow! **

**please r&r :)**

**-ana**


	3. prank two: the pregnancy

prank two: the pregnancy

**a/n: welcome to chapter three of the draco vs lina prank war. poor draco hasn't had any luck so far! but in this chapter, he's going to own lina and own lina _well. _this will be the end of the daily updates for a bit, as there are some problems and plotholes that i need to work out in chapter four. again, major thanks to lily for helping me with this chap x**

** the goode ravenclaw: the major percabeth-draco alliance...uh...i mean _demigod cameo..._will be featured in chapter five! :p**

**enjoy loves x**

* * *

Draco stared at him incredulously.

"Blaise. I don't want a baby right now. _She _doesn't want a baby right now, either. I use condoms. She'll call bullshit _so quickly_-" he stated.

"Tell her it broke during sex!"

Draco's eyes widened. "They can _break?! _So we could've potentially had babies at _ages nineteen and twenty!"_

"You _didn't _know they can break? I expected that from Lina, but _you _didn't know they could break?" asked Blaise, in surprise.

"I mean, why do people use them if they break?" countered Draco.

"Because there's a 98 percent chance of them working, so people risk it," said Blaise, matter-of-factly.

"So there's a 2 percent chance that they _don't _work?"

"It's enough to get people pregnant, and isn't that all that matters? You said it yourself: neither of you feel ready for a family. So this would scare her senseless. Not to mention, she'll scare all her friends too when she tells them, which would make it even better," he added.

"How are we going to get her to believe she's pregnant?" asked Draco, his voice disbelieving.

"You tell her that you think that your condom broke during sex and you're not sure if you guys got away with not getting pregnant this time around. And she'll be like _condoms break?" _he mimicked a confused female voice, "And you'll be like _yes. _Then she'll be like _shit, _and then you'll be like _why don't you take a pregnancy test to check just in case?_ And she'll be like _I had better not be! _And you'll hand her the positive default test, and boom."

"That's actually not such a bad idea," grinned Draco. "Let's do it."

* * *

Meanwhile, Harry had returned successfully from his Auror mission, and he and Lina were discussing what happened during his absence.

"Malfoy _pretended to be me?" _Harry looked both angry and horrified.

"Yep," Lina said, popping the p. "You should've _seen his face _when I hinted about our affair!"

"Our _affair?" _asked Harry, raising an eyebrow.

"I knew it was Draco all along...he literally _acted _like himself. So I pretended that you and I were having an affair. I said things about you being good in bed and about how Draco sucked in bed. I also said that you were in a polyamorous relationship with both Ginny and I and he was so horrified about all this that he ended up exposing himself before we could actually talk about pranks," she smirked.

Harry looked at her in awe. "Merlin, Lina. That's _brilliant," _he said bluntly.

Lina mimicked Draco, "_I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT LOVE YOU, AND YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH POTTER?"_

Within seconds, the two were on the floor laughing.

"We should keep this idea in mind for later, though," said Harry seriously.

Lina eyed him, "What idea?"

"The Polyjuice idea. We could use it, but we could be more discreet than Malfoy was," explained Harry. "You're more friendly with his lot than he is with yours, so we could mimic well."

Lina pursed her lips. "Not necessarily, I don't talk to his friends often...except Blaise. And I don't necessarily want to Polyjuice into a guy."

"I'll do it," volunteered Harry. "You could tell me what Zabini's mannerisms are like and we'll probably be able to get away with it."

"Well…I mean, it'd be hilarious..."

"We can just think about it. We'll see what his next move is, and just keep it in our minds," said Harry.

"We'll think about it," she finally said.

* * *

"Flower?" Draco called over.

"Mhm?" responded Lina, not even looking up from her Auror papers.

Draco hesitated for a moment. _This was just too evil. Which meant he was going to do this. _"Did you know that condoms can break during sex, and if they do break, it may or may not result in pregnancy?"

Lina was so taken aback at his statement that she lost control of her pencil, accidentally drawing a big line across her papers. He smirked to himself; they were on guard to pretty much almost everything each other did at the moment due to the prank war, but he could tell this threw her off.

"_What?" _she shrieked. "_But we've been using those! _No! This has to be some sort of joke."

"It's no joke, flower. Condoms only work 98 percent of the time. 2 percent of the time, they could break," he told her, very seriously.

"_No! _It has to be some sort of prank. I'm going to call Hermione and ask _her," _she said the word _her_ as if Granger were some sort of goddess that could ultimately confirm anything and everything.

Draco thought he was done for, but then he remembered that Granger was smart. She'd most likely confirm _his _fact, and then he'd be all good to carry on with the actual prank.

"I'm sure she'll just tell you the same thing I did," he told her, raising an eyebrow.

She ignored him, grabbing her phone and speed dialing Granger. "Hermione, I have a quick question to ask you. Is it true that condoms don't work all the time? Because I assumed that if you use one, it automatically means that there is no chance of you getting pregnant."

There was a pause as Lina listened to what her best friend was saying. Draco watched her face. First she nodded, then she gasped, then her face looked absolutely _horrified._

"So he wasn't joking?" asked Lina, her voice helpless. Draco had to hide his smirk once more. She listened some more, nodding. "Okay, well. Thanks for letting me know, love. Bye."

"Well, flower?" asked Draco, keeping his voice even.

"Apparently you're right," said Lina, in dismay.

"What if I were to tell you that the condom we had during our last time having sex broke?" he made sure his voice was as fearful as possible. _Any _indication of smirking and smugness would let Lina know that this is a prank.

"_What?" _she said. He took a glimpse at her fearful face. Okay, this was good. He _had _her. And for now, that was good enough.

He showed her the broken old condom, which really, he just broke purposefully by himself. "I'm afraid this is it."

"Please get that _thing _away from me," she said through clenched teeth. "So you're saying that I might be -"

"_Pregnant?" _finished off Draco, letting the trepidation fit his voice like a perfectly sized glove. "I don't know, flower. I honestly don't know."

"_I can't have a kid!" _she wailed. "I'd pass down Voldemort's genes and I'm too irresponsible and I'm out all the time with Auror and I drink too much alcohol!"

He embraced her, kissing her forehead. "I _highly _doubt you're pregnant, but it doesn't hurt to test it out. And even in the chance that you are, I will be there _every step of the way."_

"Okay, well," she sighed, as if she can't believe that it's true. "...Does that mean that I should get a pregnancy test?"

"_You _stay here and do what you need to do, flower. I'll go get one," he said, squeezing her arm reassuringly, going towards the door and Disapparating.

"How am I supposed to concentrate on my paperwork after you tell me _this?" _she yelled after him.

* * *

An hour later, Draco returned, with the pregnancy test he had. Unknown by Lina, this particular test was magically charmed to only give out a positive result, regardless of whether the person taking it was actually pregnant or not.

"Flower! I'm here," he called.

"We're in the living room," was the reply, and he went to the living room to find both her and Granger sitting there, talking rapidly, but they ceased when he entered.

"Granger?" asked Draco in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

"I was summoned here for moral support," was her reply. "Lina here told me that _your condom broke?"_

_This was going to be rich. He was about to prank not only Lina, but Granger as well. It took effort, but he managed to hide his smirk at the thought of them freaking out and exploding on each other when the test came out positive._

"Unfortunately, it did," said Draco, and it took all the willpower vested in him to maintain his fearful face and not burst into laughter at the pair of best friends' terrified faces.

"I don't think either of you understand how much _I can't be pregnant," _enunciated Lina, fidgeting with a lock of her brown hair.

"You most likely aren't," said Granger soothingly.

"Love, let's just see first. We can figure out what we're going to do afterwards," said Draco gently, handing her the test.

Lina took it, "Okay. Well. Here goes." She went upstairs towards the bathroom, and they could hear her listing prayers to every single god and goddess.

Draco wanted to smile at the thought of the prank, but Granger stayed downstairs with him, wringing her hands in worry. If she found out that this was all a prank, she'd expose him to Lina and he'd be screwed. That is definitely _not _what he wanted.

"This is so nerve-wracking," sighed Granger. "Of all the things —" she suddenly looked at him, "You do know that if it comes back positive, life as you know it will _change _for the both of you, right?"

Draco played his part well, and mustered a worried look on his face. "I know," he said, his tone grave. Part of him wasn't really acting though, which made it all the more easier for him. He could never actually talk marriage and family with Lina without her either getting emotional, dismissive, or simply plain pissed off. Plus, if he ever brought it up she usually had a nightmare about either Luke or Anne the following night. So, due to his genuine fears with her, he was never suspected.

There was dead, anticipatory silence between him and Granger, who sat on opposite sides of the couch, before they were then interrupted by a shrill scream filled with terror. "_OH MY GODS!" _

"_Lina! What happened?" _Granger immediately got up and rushed up the stairs to her best friend, while Draco followed slowly, hiding the smug look on his face.

Then, Granger screamed too. "_OHH! _It's _positive!"_

"YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT, MIONE? IT'S STARING US IN THE FACE! LOOK AT IT! _LOOK AT IT! _WHAT DO I DO?"

"I -"

He heard rumpling and a toss. "THERE! NOW I'M NOT PREGNANT!"

"_LINA!_ YOU CAN'T JUST _THROW AWAY _THE TEST AND PRETEND THIS ISSUE DOESN'T EXIST! THERE IS NO _FETUS DELETUS _SPELL!"

"OH, I CAN'T? _TRY ME!"_

"YOU CAN'T JUST -"

"I CAN'T JUST _HAVE A FAMILY!"_

"I mean...didn't Annabeth get pregnant at nineteen? You're twenty now, at least you have one year over her-"

"ANNABETH WAS _MARRIED, _WAS STABLE, AND WAS NOT PASSING DOWN _VOLDEMORT'S GENES!"_

Draco smirked, before he decided he'd better go calm them. They were exploding on each other over a nonexistent potential baby. This was a _definite_ victory for Team Draco. He clearly managed to prank her. He could tell them that this was all a prank, and have it be over. But _no. _He was going to let them believe it for a day, which would give just enough time for panicked Lina and Granger to tell people about this, which they were certain to do. He was going to prank almost _all _of Team Lina by tomorrow.

Unfortunately for him, this also meant that he was going to have to deal with Lina lamenting the entire night, but the prank victory would be worth the lack of sleep.

He entered the bathroom, where the two best friends faced each other heatedly, glancing coldly towards the pregnancy test in the trash every five minutes.

"What _happened?_" he asked, pushing down his laugh.

"IT'S POSITIVE, DID YOU _NOT _HEAR US?" Lina exploded at him. Meanwhile, Granger looked down, looking uncomfortable.

Draco thought. What would he say to her if she was _truly _pregnant unexpectedly? He hoped that his fake reaction would match his real one.

"WELL, YES, LINA, I _HEARD YOU!" _he exploded back. "The real question is _what should we do about it?"_

"What should we do about it! Well, for starters, with the luck the Fates hand me, I'm _never _having sex with you or anyone else again! That's for sure," she hissed at him. She suddenly turned towards Granger. "We should go out."

"_Go out?"_ she asked, as if it was the last thing on her mind.

"Yes. Girls night, we can get Ginny and Luna to come! _We don't think about this._ At all," said Lina, her eyes wild. She refused to even look at Draco. Only Granger.

Granger paused, as if she was thinking of the pros and cons regarding this, before she nodded. "Alright. We'll go out."

* * *

Once Granger had whisked Lina (who still hasn't looked at him since she _found out_) off, promising she'd take good care of her, Draco finally had the house to himself and he was now openly laughing on the floor, and had been for the past five minutes. He had ended up getting Blaise to come over in order to revel in their victory until Lina came home, and the Italian was coming over any moment now. A knock sounded, and Draco was face-to-face with Blaise.

"So, finally. _We _ended up victorious," smirked Blaise.

"I couldn't have done it without you," chuckled Draco, inviting his friend in. "Lina _and _Granger, who she invited over for moral support, fell hook, line, and sinker for it."

"We got _Granger _too? Damn," said Blaise, shaking his head. "Where are those two now?"

"Girls night, so we've probably got the house to ourselves until nine-ten at the earliest. So they can _not think about this. _I feel...a little bad about this? I mean, Lina's probably not thinking straight, what if she goes out and does something seriously stupid and then therefore, it'd be my fault?"

"Nah, you said that Granger's out with her, remember? She'll rein her in. And Merlin, we are _evil,"_ whistled Blaise. "It's clearly a victory for us regardless, but when are we going to tell her that it's fake and she's fine?"

Draco grinned evilly. "I'm calling her at her work session tomorrow to tell her. I'm going to say something like '_we don't need to worry about the baby, love, we're in a prank war after all!' _and make her jump in front of all the Aurors."

"Mate, Lina is going to be royally pissed and so will all her friends when they found out you set her up and raised all their anxiety levels for absolutely no reason. They're going to unleash _hell _on you for her prank revenge," he said, bluntly. "Pure hell. I'm just telling you that now. For scaring her into thinking she has to have a family, let alone a family at _twenty?_"

"This was _your _idea! Whatever shit that lot of hers decide to pull on me, trust me Blaise, I'm taking you down with me," he retorted.

"...What a good friend you are," said Blaise sarcastically.

"I'll just be careful and on guard when it comes to Lina and her friends," said Draco confidently. "After all this, I'm _sure_ I can be able to sense a prank."

"Whatever you say," replied Blaise, and his friend glared at him for the lack of confidence vote.

* * *

"So...are you _sure _you're pregnant?" asked Ginny. Lina, Hermione, Ginny, and Luna - had all gone shopping together, and then they'd sat down to dinner.

Lina had attempted to not think about it and keep the secret from her two younger friends, but accidentally slipped and broke down during the very start of dinner. "The test said it was positive," she said grimly. "I just don't know what I'm going to do...I wish this was a huge prank or something."

"Oh, love," said Ginny sympathetically, leaning over to squeeze her arm. "I'm sorry."

"We'll be there every step of the way," assured Hermione. Luna nodded in agreement, but looking at her, Lina could tell that there was something else on the girl's mind. She didn't know whether to ask, so she didn't.

"Thank you," sniffled Lina, as her three friends hugged her. "I love you guys."

"Can I get you four anything to drink?" asked the waitress politely, interrupting their conversation.

"Yes, I'll take a cocktail, please," replied Ginny in the same polite tone.

"I'll also take a cocktail, ple -" began Lina, before she realized that she _couldn't drink a cocktail_ if she was pregnant, and couldn't get drunk, and couldn't go to parties, and basically couldn't do her entire career woman/mission/partying lifestyle, and she ended up literally bursting into tears in front of the waitress.

* * *

The next morning was a Saturday, and Lina had to go to work, but only for a simple two hour meeting. After that, she was just going to go home and wallow, figuring this out. She didn't particularly _want _to go to work; not after last night. She didn't particularly want to go _anywhere. _Harry and Ron probably knew by now, and she didn't even want to _think _about telling her friends in America about this ordeal of hers. She really wanted to talk to Thalia for some reason, but...she was a Hunter.

She was taken away from her thoughts by Draco giving her hand a squeeze. "You okay, flower?" he asked her gently.

"Somewhat," Lina said listlessly, finally getting up from breakfast and getting her Auror robes together. "Sorry about last night, by the way, love. I know that I wasn't the..._easiest _person to share a bed with." She'd spent the first half of the night worrying aloud about the pregnancy and the second half having vivid nightmares.

"You've nothing to apologize for, love," he said firmly, leaning down to kiss her. "We _will_ figure this out. I'll call you after your meeting for a surprise."

"A surprise?" asked Lina, raising an eyebrow.

"A surprise," he repeated, smiling warmly at her.

"You're too good to me," she said, easing into his hug, before she summoned her bag and Disapparated.

When she arrived at the Ministry and in the meeting room to sit down, she was immediately ambushed by Harry and Ron. Harry sat beside her, and Ron sat on the other side.

"We are so, _so, _sorry, Lina," said Ron, in his most gravest voice. "We will personally kill Malfoy for knocking you up.

"Mione and Gin told you, didn't they?" she sighed. "Well. It is what it is, I guess. I am..._pregnant..._with Draco's baby...and please leave him alone, Ron. I will have to...raise a child...and somehow be a good mum. I'd probably be world's _worst _mum. Draco and I will probably raise the kid together, but I don't really want marriage..."

"Are you ever going to abuse your kid mentally or physically?" asked Harry, raising an eyebrow.

"_No, why would you even suggest that?" _gasped Lina in horror.

"_Congratulations! _You're already better than a bunch of mums!" said Harry, and Lina glared at him.

"And apparently it's because the condom didn't work?" asked Ron. "Suddenly, I don't _want _to ever do anything with Mione besides snogging."

"Condoms," she smiled sweetly, "Apparently have a _98 percent chance of working! _But you'll probably be fine, Ron. It's me that has the weird luck."

They were interrupted by the start of the meeting, and with all this on her mind, Lina struggled to pay attention to the latest developments on the Macnair case and take notes, but she barely managed.

It seemed like forever, but the meeting was finally over. Lina left the room, with Harry and Ron by her side. "I have to figure out this whole situation...Draco said he'd call after the meeting for a _surprise, _whatever that means."

"My fist because he knocked you up?" suggested Ron.

"You know, _one day, _you're going to have to be civil about my boyfriend even when he's not there," Lina told Ron, as her cell rang. She answered it.

"Hey, love," Draco's voice came through the phone. "I just wanted to say that we don't _need _to worry about the baby anymore."

"What do you mean we don't need to worry about the baby anymore? _Eventually,_ I'll show!" exclaimed Lina.

"Flower. _The baby doesn't exist,"_ said Draco, and he sounded as if he was going to burst into uncontrollable laughter at any moment.

"What do you mean _the baby doesn't exist?" _hissed Lina, and Harry and Ron were now listening in over her shoulder with unbridled interest.

"Condoms have a 2 percent chance of breaking. Granger was right. _But _we've never been in that 2 percent; we were fine all this time. _We are in a prank war after all!" _he said cheerfully.

Lina paused for a moment, processing. Then she realized what he meant. Beyond furious, she clenched her fist and stalked over to a secluded corner of the Ministry, Harry and Ron following her to find out what was going on. "_YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT THIS WAS ALL A PRANK?_" she screeched. "You sat and _watched me _as I was horrified, you sat and _watched me _have those demigod nightmares, being like "oh, Lina-flower, we'll be okay" when there was _NOTHING _to worry about and you sat and _watched me _think I'd have to somehow start a family!"

Harry and Ron gasped in anger.

"You sat and _watched _me think I was bankrupt," he told her, and she could practically hear his smirk. "My dearest flower, do you _really _want to continue this prank war?"

"Oh, after _today?_ _Draco. This. Isn't. Over,"_ she enunciated each of her last four words clearly, before she hung up on him.

She then looked up at Harry and Ron, who were still there, eavesdropping. "_We're_ going to have another Team Lina meeting," she said to them bluntly, and they nodded in approval.

"When?" asked Harry.

"When everyone's available, but first, _I'm_ going to go get a cocktail," she announced, referring to when she was deprived of one last night.

* * *

**a/n: and there's part three! idk when part four's coming, but i'm aiming for the end of the weekend! part five is mostly ready, so i might just upload both on sunday. there'll be a sixth part (which is mostly filler leading up to the finale tbh) and then the grand finale seventh part (which is also almost ready), so this'll have seven chapters total.**

**please r&r :)**

**-ana**


	4. prank three: the walrus dance

prank three: the walrus dance

**a/n: here's the next chap of the prank war for who knows how long lol. i took a lil senior first semester hiatus lol. big thank you to guest reviewer johanne for mentioning the potential use of an aphrodite curse, the ch 4 original prank i had for last summer gave me so much writers block lol. anyways, ch 5 is done too, so that'll be up tomorrow as a lil christmas gift! enjoy! x **

**i do not own the beatles' song 'i am the walrus.' i encourage people to look up the song on youtube as they read the fic! also pls don't eat or drink while reading this lmao**

* * *

After Lina had managed to calm everyone down (because all of her Team was in an angry uproar that he'd go _that far_), she cleared her throat.

"_Clearly, _we need to get our revenge on Draco for doing this," she said, and everyone was talking in agreement. "He may have had _anxiety _about the bankruptcy prank, but I had the dreams! I don't think any of you understand what it's like to have _demigod dreams _for _no reason! _We need to think _big."_

"We should throw him in a vat of acid," suggested Sirius, winking at her. Ron, Fred, and George nodded in agreement.

"_NO!"_ cried Lina. She knew they were joking, but she was still exasperated that even after two years there was still tension about the relationship.

"Either way, I think all the stuff that we were planning from our prank store is just..._not enough _for this," added George.

"Why don't we just go the old classic route and put a _kick me _sign on his back?" suggested Fred, raising an eyebrow.

"Or you could write him a break-up letter and then leave the house for a week, avoiding him?" suggested Ron.

"No kick me sign. He'd find out immediately when people start...kicking him. Also, Ron, he knows that I won't leave him and he is also currently on high alert for things I could do to him..._do you know how _quickly _he'd expose me if I do that?" _asked Lina, and the others thought about it, before they nodded in agreement.

"We could give him a potion that makes him do something embarrassing. The good old slipping into his drink," suggested Sirius, a smirk on his face. "And it's even better as you're in a relationship with him, so he'll take a drink from you without much effort. It's simple, yet it's _perfect. _He'll be expecting something elaborate from you. James and I used to do it to Slytherins all the time at Hogwarts, and rarely got caught."

Lina mulled it over, before she nodded. "That could work, thank you." She paused for a moment. "Wait a moment. _Charmspeak. _I have _charmspeak, _I should use it for something at least!"

Everyone sat and thought about that for a moment, before Ron suddenly spoke, "Let's use it to get both him and Zabini to sing a really embarrassing song, we record it and show it to everyone we know, _including _their bosses, and use it as blackmail for eternity."

"_Ronald!" _hissed Hermione, scandalized at the thought. "We are _not _going to show that to their bosses, right Lina?"

"No," Lina finally said after hesitating. "She's right, we're not going to show that to their bosses at all. _But besides them, _it's not such a bad idea."

"Okay, we have our idea! Can anyone think of any embarrassing songs and dances that came out recently?" asked Fred, cheerily.

"Who said it had to be recently?" asked Sirius, raising an eyebrow. "Back in my time, I promise you, there were songs that were _way _more embarrassing than the ones out now."

"Like what?" asked Harry, raising an eyebrow.

"There was a song we once got the Slytherins to sing to the entire Great Hall back in our day…" trailed off Sirius, as he seemed to go into a trance, remembering his days with the Marauders. Harry squeezed his shoulders in comfort. "...It was called '_I Am The Walrus.'_

"_...I am the walrus?" _repeated Lina skeptically.

"You're joking," added Ron.

"Have _none of you _ever listened to the old Beatles songs?" huffed Hermione, giving them looks of pure annoyance. "You don't have to be a 70s teen to know that song!"

"So what is it about, a walrus?" asked Ginny, raising an eyebrow, and they all started laughing.

"Just you all wait. Oh, _Rosmerta!" _called Sirius, waving over the bartender.

She came over, "Yes, what can I do for you, Mr. Black?" she said, trying to keep her blush under control.

"Most of these _90s teens _over here have never heard of the classic _I Am The Walrus," _said Sirius pointedly. "I was wondering if we could give them all a little taste of the 70s?"

"Certainly," said Rosmerta. "_You all_ are in for a treat!" she winked at the entire table, before bustling off.

Suddenly, a beat began to play, and Sirius was already laughing. "The song hasn't even started yet," pointed out Ginny, raising an eyebrow.

"You'll be joining me in five minutes, I promise you," he said through his laughs. Rosmerta came towards him, and the two started dancing carelessly and casually to the song. They all started nodding their heads to the beat until,

"_I am the egg man_

_They are the egg men_

_I am the walrus_

_Goo goo g'joob…"_

"_What?" _burst out Lina in laughter.

"I know, wouldn't this be the _perfect _prank?" questioned Sirius, coming closer to her. "And we could somehow even get them to _dance _like walruses, just as I did in my day…"

They all laughed at that, and when the song finished, not just Team Lina, but the whole pub was demanding an encore. And so _I am the Walrus _was played once more, the whole group laughing and singing along.

* * *

"_Draco. This. Isn't. Over."_

At least that's what Lina had threatened, but she came home as calm as can be and over the past week, literally nothing happened. They just did their usual couple agenda, and it seemed like there wasn't a prank in sight.

He had bigger things to worry about than the prank war, though; he was also stressed about things going on at his work/training, as he was going to end up helping oversee an operation this Monday.

"Draco, are you alright?" a gentle voice asked, and he turned to see Lina. She sat down next to him, rubbing his arm in comfort.

"I'm just…" he sighed, "_Stressed _about the operation."

"You'll do fine. I can promise you that," she insisted. "You've been so tense recently. You should spend a night out with Blaise or something this weekend; I always like going out with Mione when I'm like this."

"Well, on Sunday I'm busy with preparations, and on Saturday Blaise has a really important meeting," sighed Draco. "But maybe Saturday night…"

"Hmm," was all she had to say at his statement. Lina's mouth twitched into a smile, but she managed to push it down. She was about to get up, before he snaked an arm around her, effectively pulling her back on the couch.

"You know what would _really _make me feel better, flower?" he whispered into her ear seductively, before leaning over and kissing her.

* * *

On Saturday afternoon, Lina was in the middle of gathering some groceries when her phone rang. She reached out and grabbed it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Lina, it's Ron through Harry's phone. I need to ask you something."

She frowned. Ron sounded extremely serious. "What is it?"

"I'm going to propose to Mione and I need you to help me."

Lina unceremoniously dropped the sauce she was holding, which ended up spilling everywhere.

"_Clean up in Aisle 5!"_

Shoppers gave her dirty looks, but besides a quick apologetic look, she was focused on Ron. "_What? _This is amazing, but Ron 'takes things slow' Weasley wants to -"

"I know. It's surprising. It's always been written out in the Quartette that Harry would be the first to propose, and then eventually many years later _I'd _get the courage to propose, and that you'd just run from marriage until you're like seventy. _We literally wrote out an agreement and signed it. _But I _have _the courage now! I feel like it's time, you know? I can't see myself with anyone else," he said, confidently.

"Well, of course, I can't see Romione without each other either, this is exciting!" she gushed.

"Can you come over?"

"Of course, let me just finish my grocery -"

"Can't it wait?" pressed Ron, "I don't have much time before Mione comes back, and I _really _need your opinion on some things. Ring choices, the proposal, and the like."

Lina heaved a long sigh, looking at her cart. "Ron, I have a half-full cart right now, how desperate are we?"

"_Level 100 desperate."_

She abandoned the cart and went outside to Disapparate to Ron.

* * *

Lina gazed at the two rings Ron was thinking about proposing with. "Well, the sapphire is her birthstone. Plus, it goes great with her skin-tone. I'd pick that over the diamond ring, honestly."

"You really think so?" said Ron, uncertainly.

She nodded. "Definitely."

"And finally, the proposal. I was wondering if you'd just let me...run some ideas over?"

"Of course," said Lina. "After dealing with the way and the _many ideas _Percy had when he proposed to Annabeth, I'm prepared for pretty much anything and everything."

"Well, I was thinking maybe a classic dinner and a night out in the moonlight, or maybe ring in the food-"

"Ring in the food's a good idea," mused Lina, "But let me put a little twist on it. How about instead of ring in the food, it's ring in the book?"

"Ring in the book?" asked Ron skeptically.

"She's always reading something before bed, yes?" asked Lina, and he nodded. "Well, maybe just as she's flipping one of those pages to help her relax after a tiring day...she _just so happens _to find a sapphire ring inside."

Ron's eyes widened as he unexpectedly smushed her into a colossal hug. "Oh, Lina, you're a genius, _thank you, thank you, thank you! _How can I ever repay you?"

"Well, first off, let me _breathe _for starters, Weasley," said Lina dryly.

Ron apologized immediately before letting go of her.

"And secondly," her eyes twinkled. "We have a certain _walrus prank_ to pull on a certain blond and italian at that new wizard karaoke place tonight."

They both grinned evilly.

"Wait...how's it going to work?" asked Ron, confused.

"You get everyone on Team Lina that wants to witness the prank to the karaoke place by 7:00pm and _get us front seats, _it's key so the charmspeak can reach them," she emphasized. "We have all the earplugs bought so nobody from the Team accidentally gets affected by the charmspeak, yes?"

Ron nodded quickly; there was no way he was about to embarrass himself and do a walrus dance in front of everyone.

"And who's recording?" asked Lina.

"Fred and George are," said Ron.

She nodded. "Very well. So just make sure everyone's there by 7:00pm with the plugs and camera ready, and _I _will worry about making sure myself, Draco, and Blaise are in position."

* * *

"Are you _sure _this place is good, flower?" asked Draco skeptically.

"I've been there with Mione before, it's _really good, _trust me. Perfect place for a guys night out," she insisted. "I'm going to meet up with Mione and Gin there, and you two can both enjoy yourselves."

"I heard they have hot singers," said Blaise, winking.

Lina stared at him. "Your sheer ability to flirt when you're taken _astounds me. _Daphne can't even have a sisters night out without you moving in on other girls."

"They're not as hot as you though, love," he winked at her, getting closer.

"Step _away,"_ ordered Draco through clenched teeth, coming in for a kiss.

Blaise merely laughed. "So possessive."

"Well, I have to be with _vultures _like you around," drawled Draco, giving him an amused look.

"Are you guys ready?" asked Lina, rolling her eyes at both of them and trying to hide her smirk at what she had in store.

"We're ready, Quim_babe," _winked Blaise, and she had to picture him dancing like a walrus in order not to hurt him.

It was fine, though, because Draco had already beat her to it by elbowing his friend's ribs, hard.

* * *

"Nice place," commented Draco. They let go of Lina's arms after she Apparated them there, and Draco and Blaise scanned the new karaoke place while Lina carelessly signed a couple autographs.

She smirked when she noticed all her friends already set in the front; she did tell them to come fifteen minutes earlier than she planned to execute the prank, after all.

Two girls had just finished singing _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun _to some applause, and the DJ was currently on a break.

"You know, it might be fun if you guys sang something together," commented Lina, adding electric charmspeak to her voice.

They both instantly agreed. "Like what, flower?" asked Draco.

Lina continued, pouring in all the charmspeak possible. "There's this _amazing _song by the Beatles from the 70's, it's called _I Am The Walrus," _she gushed. "Singing that one will _really _help in terms of relieving stress."

They were nodding fervently now, putty to her charmspeak, as they followed her to the DJ.

"Can you play _I Am The Walrus _by the Beatles, please?" she asked.

The DJ raised an eyebrow at her. "Who's singing?" he asked.

"Those two," she chirped, pointing at Draco and Blaise. "_Aren't they?" _she said, adding charmspeak. They nodded.

The DJ looked skeptical. "_Those _two?"

Lina nodded.

"Well, okay," said the DJ. "Up next we have the Beatles classic _I Am The Walrus _sung by...Malfoy and some italian guy?"

"You'll do _great," _said Lina, keeping the charmspeak going. In a trance, they both went up onto the stage, and the song started playing. She backed up a little so that she was sitting with the rest of her friends in the front. Fred and George, who had a camera, winked at her.

"Sing along with the song, you've got this," she said quieter, with charmspeak. They sung the song, despite probably never hearing it before.

"Alright," said Lina, as her friends were laughing. "Now. _Dance like a walrus." _She said, her voice filled with electric charmspeak.

And so they literally started dancing like walruses in the karaoke club, flapping their arms and nodding their heads. Everyone in Team Lina cackled.

"They're going to really _get _you for this, you know," whispered Hermione in Lina's ear.

"I know," was the reply, covered through giggles. She continued giving them charmspeak-ridden orders in order to get them through the song without them being suspicious of her.

The song finally ended, with laughter sweeping the pub.

"You did _amazing!" _crooned Lina, praising them. She scanned the laughing crowd. "Now let's go," she said through clenched teeth, grabbing their arms and Disapparating them back to her house in order to prevent them from finding out what she _really _did to them too early.

* * *

Draco and Blaise stared at the video of the two of them dancing like walruses incredulously, while Lina was apparently taking cover at Weasley and Granger's house. Now they knew _why _she was taking cover. "How the _fuck _did she and her lot get away with this?" demanded Blaise.

"I have absolutely no idea," he said furiously, watching the video with disgust. His eyes widened. "Wait a second. She _wouldn't."_

"She wouldn't _what?" _asked Blaise.

"..._Charmspeak _us," emphasized Draco in horror. "To go up there and dance like walruses. Blaise, we wouldn't know what we were doing if she did that."

"Well, clearly we didn't know what we were doing," said Blaise. "If we knew what we were doing, we _wouldn't have done this!"_

Draco shook her head. "Oh…" he snarled furiously, "That girl is going _down." _

"We need to do something big to make up for this," agreed Blaise. "Something bigger than London."

"...What do you mean something bigger than London?" asked Draco, and he was honestly ready for anything at this point.

"...Do you think Lina's told any of her friends in America about this little prank war?" asked Blaise finally, giving his friend a look. "Because if not…"

"...We could potentially get some of them aboard," added Draco, a twinkle in his eyes.

* * *

**a/n: that's the end of this chap, and i loved writing this! :p as you can guess, ch5 WILL actually introduce pjo characters! and since it's done, it'll be up tomorrow. and it's a bit long :p let's just say, lina will indeed pay for what she did. i still do plan for this to have seven, maybe eight, parts, so there will be two/three chaps after ch5. and the romione proposal WILL be included in this fic.**

**please r&r :)**

**-ana**


	5. prank four: percabeth divorce

**prank four: percabeth divorce**

**a/n: well, would you look at that. lina's otp (and mine) are filing for divorce, or **_**are they? **_**hehehehehehe. anyways. ch 5 on christmas night as promised. over 6k. seventy five percent of this chap was written back in august and the other twenty five percent over break lol. enjoy, love y'all and merry christmas/happy holidays x**

* * *

Draco was unsure about the whole idea, but then again, Blaise thought it would work, and it'd be _perfect _if they actually agreed. _He would...go to New Rome. _And that's exactly what he did; he Apparated there, but he only managed to Apparate to the _border _of New Rome, where some weird statue was glaring at him. Usually, when he Apparated with Lina, they just...were able to get in.

"Who are you?" demanded the statue, glaring at him. He looked harmless, but he had an aura that he'd probably literally destroy Draco if he tried to enter New Rome without his permission.

"I'm Draco Malfoy; I'm in a relationship with Lina Quimby and wanted to see some friends of hers?" he said, hoping those words would let him in.

"I'm sorry," said the statue emphatically.

"Can you _please_ just let me in?"

"No, kid, I meant I'm sorry you're dating _her, _she's such a disrespectful _Graecus. _I'll never forget her first words to me all those years ago during that quest. _You're a statue, and an annoying one at that!" _said the statue, mimicking a female voice. "And during our most recent encounter, she said to me '_still all stiff and uptight as usual, Terminus?' _And she and those _Graecus _friends she brought along had the absolute gall to laugh at me! The Praetors like her though, so she unfortunately has free reign here."

"Oh, well. That's my girlfriend," said Draco, dryly. He made a note to ask Lina post-prank what a _Graecus _was. "So, what do I have to do to get in?"

"Hmm. You're not really radiating any dangerous power. You got any weapons, kid?" asked the statue, and Draco put his hands in the air, proving that he had no weapons. He was _extremely_ annoyed the statue kept calling him _kid _when he was _twenty _and definitely looked the part, but he did want to get into New Rome after all.

"Turn around," the statue ordered, and he turned, showing he had no weapons. He had his wand, of course, but the statue didn't seem to mind his stick. The statue finally said haughtily, "You can go in."

"Thank you," Draco told the statue, "Have a good day."

"A good day! You told _me _to have a good day! Seriously, kid! _Dump her!"_ the statue called after him as he entered the city.

Draco knew where Percy and Annabeth's house was, thanks to many trips there with Lina. Nobody really questioned his presence; not that he actually _knew_ anybody that he passed by. He reached the house without much effort, and knocked on the door, which was answered by Annabeth.

"Draco," she greeted, looking surprised. "Where's Fire-Girl…" She looked behind him, and around him, before she frowned.

"Lina's not with me," he said, answering her confusion. "She's busy being a career woman at the moment. Anyways, I wanted to talk to you and Percy without her in the room."

Before a shocked Annabeth could respond to him, an excited small girl's voice could be heard, along with rapid footsteps. "_Uncle Draco!" _Suddenly two small arms wrapped around his torso.

"Hey, Soph," he said warmly, picking the toddler up and kissing her forehead. "How are you?"

"Good!" she grinned. He put her down, and she then looked around, her eyes wide. "Where's Auntie Lina?" she demanded, and her voice made it pretty clear that she was going to be really upset if Lina didn't just suddenly pop up in front of her.

"Unfortunately, she's busy at the moment, sweetie," said Annabeth. Sophia looked like she was about to throw a fit, but her mother ended up distracting her with a small reading book.

"She's reading already?" observed Draco, raising an eyebrow, "At _two?"_

"Only small picture books so far, but it's very impressive for her age," said Annabeth proudly. She glanced at her daughter a moment, before gesturing at Draco to come in the house and make himself at home. "Sophia picks things up very quickly. It took me two weeks to repair the damage that _you two caused_ with swearing at each other _right in front of her_ and covering yourselves by telling her that it's '_fancy talk'_ for 'I love you,' and your lax rules when you babysat her. _Please_ do not ever have children."

"Sorry about that, for the millionth time," said Draco, but she waved him off and called for her husband.

When Percy saw Draco, his first question was, "Where's Fire-Girl at?" He looked around, his eyes softening when they laid on Sophia. Percy had always been nice enough, but the guy also intimidated him a little. His 'I am fully on Lina's side and if she decides to hurt you, then you'll deal, but I will kill you if it's vice versa' vibe doesn't help anything either.

"She's busy with work. I came alone," said Draco, his voice short. "I have some things I want to put on the table."

"...Things?" said Percy guardedly, raising an eyebrow.

"Guys, why don't we sit down?" offered Annabeth, gesturing to the couches and trying to ease the tension.

And so Draco sat on a couch. The couple sat together, opposite him.

"Hi!" a cheery voice called, and they all turned to see Sophia, who had taken a break from her picture book and whose wide little eyes were looking at them.

The adults all smiled warmly and waved to her, and she seemed content with that as she returned back to her book and doll.

"Why are you here?" Percy said bluntly, looking at him.

"_Don't be rude, _Seaweed Brain, if he's involved with Lina then he's involved with us, it's that simple," hissed Annabeth to her husband. "But yes. I'm curious about that."

"Well...recently Lina and I have gotten into a prank war."

"_A prank war?"_ suddenly, Percy had no signs of his previous coldness, and was staring at Draco with interest.

Annabeth was facepalming next to him. "Percy, don't _encourage this!"_

"A prank war," repeated Draco.

"Who's winning?" asked Percy, curiously.

"Currently, Lina," sighed Draco, shaking his head.

"I never thought I'd say this, but...if you need help going against her, I volunteer," said Percy, without skipping a beat. "I have a _list _of pranks she's done to me over the years that she's gotten away with. Wise Girl, remember the time that she thought it'd be nice to take all my clothes while I was in the shower, forcing me to walk around Camp in a towel?"

Annabeth paused, as if seeing this prank war in a whole new perspective. "...Do you remember the time when she along with Thalia somehow replaced the mattress in the Poseidon cabin?"

"...Do you remember the time she took all my blue cookies, ate them, and proceeded to inform me that there are maggots in the cabin that did it instead?"

"Gods, remember when she paid the Hephaestus kids to make those embarrassing Percabeth buttons and then she distributed them to everyone?"

They both looked at each other, before they said in unison. "...That little _shit." _They then turned to Draco immediately and said firmly, "We're all yours."

"We have the _perfect _prank for her," said Annabeth, barely able to contain the glee in her voice. "So, you know how Lina's entire existence in her early teens used to basically just be chocolate, liking Harry, and her lobbying for Percabeth? She would _never _shut up about Percabeth; it was her dream couple. It still is. I don't think she could ever see us with other people. Neither can we, to be honest, but -"

"The best way to get her is to make her think that we're getting a _divorce," _finished Percy, a devilish gleam in his eyes.

"This...this was much easier than I thought," was all Draco could say to them, with a smirk gracing his features, but the smirk dissipated quickly. "_How are we going to get her to believe that you two, the epitome of a functional couple, _is broken to the point of getting a divorce? She will call bullshit so quickly-"

"No she won't, because you're going to make it look like you aren't involved," said Percy. "As far as she knows, we don't know anything about your little prank war, correct?"

"...I don't think so," Draco finally said.

"Well, this is the first time we're hearing of it," replied Annabeth, "Therefore, while she'd probably be suspicious of things _you _do to her, whatever Percy and I do to her, she'd believe."

"And you think you can pull it off?" said Draco, in disbelief. "I mean...I don't even know _how _you'd go about it, let alone how you'd factor Sophia in -"

"Leave it to us," she said, "Trust me, the less details you know about how this prank is planned, the more likely it is to actually be successful. Just sit back and enjoy our alliance. All we need you to do is pretend you don't know what's happening and offer emotional support."

"You should probably go back to London, Draco," added Percy, a twinkle in his eyes. "After all, Fire-Girl will _really _need your support during this _tough time. _There's no telling how she'd react to a Percabeth split, but she won't take it well, that's for sure."

* * *

Lina's phone rang while she was on break, and she flipped it open to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hey, love, it's Annabeth," she noticed that the elder woman's voice was more strained than usual.

"Annabeth?" she frowned at the tone, "It's been a while, are you okay? You don't _sound_ okay."

"I'm fine, I've just been having some...marriage problems recently," she finally said. "Percy and I...it's just not the same."

"_Marriage problems?" _repeated Lina, her voice in utter disbelief. "I'm sure that you guys will get through it. You're Percabeth. You get through _everything."_

"Well, I'm not so sure if us being _Percabeth _is going to cover things this time," she said, being careful with her words. "There are just a _lot _of things that we've been disagreeing with recently - what we're going to be doing after college graduation, how we're going to bring up Sophia, and personality clashes left and right. Fire-Girl, I want to be _free. _I want to do things the way _I want."_

"And that means _leaving Percy?" _asked Lina, her eyes narrowed.

"_Not everything is about Percy and I! _Why can't you think of us as _Annabeth _and _Percy? _We're _individuals, _not just your fantasy ship. Why does it _always _have to be Percabeth when it comes to you?" cried Annabeth, sounding exasperated.

Lina faltered. "I - I - I'm sorry, it's just...you've been together for such a long time, went through _so much, _and...love, this is _unlike you."_

"So have you and Draco," Annabeth countered.

Lina laughed at her, "Draco and I? _Draco and I?_ You want to compare Draco and I to _Percabeth? _We've steadily been together for only two years, had multiple freak 'break-ups' ranging from 24 hours to two weeks, the two week one being over _coffee. COFFEE!"_

"Stop saying _Percabeth _like that! I can't believe I didn't see how utterly _creepy _you were with that before -"

"_Creepy?"_ hissed Lina.

"Yes, Lina, you've always been a creepy fangirl about it," snapped Annabeth, exasperated. "And don't go around condemning your own relationship, don't act as if you wouldn't fall apart if you and Draco _truly_ broke up! Because _I know you. _Right now, you two stand more of a chance at being permanent than Percy and I!"

"But _why_ are you thinking about splitting up?" she cried emphatically, not understanding.

"Did you not hear me five minutes ago?" Annabeth practically screeched at her, "_I'm _not a problem, and _he's_ not a problem, it's because we're _too different _and it's getting in our way!"

"Well…" trailed off Lina, taking a breath. The thought of Percy and Annabeth splitting stressed her out. "Can you at least let me come over for a while? I can stay a couple days, maybe help sort things out a little?"

"There's nothing to sort out, Lina," said Annabeth, her voice acidic. Just as she spoke, another muffled voice could be heard yelling. She then gave a long sigh. "Oh, _great, _apparently we're arguing again. You know, I _thought _that you'd be more supportive of me, but now that I see you only care about _Percabeth -"_

"I don't only care about _Percabeth,"_ countered Lina, "I care about you two, individually, and I honestly believe that you're rushing into a split-up without taking the time to work things out. I promise that I support you even if the split happens. Just let me come over, and help."

"There is _nothing _you can do, Lina, but I'll let you come over and see how bad things are," she finally told her.

"I'm sure there's _something _I can do," protested Lina.

"_Nothing!"_

"_Something!"_

"_NOTHING!"_

"_SOMETHING!"_

"_AH!" _Lina was interrupted by Robards, the Head-Auror. He'd tried tapping her on the shoulder to get her attention, but she apparently was so heated at Annabeth that her currently flaming hot shoulder burned him.

"I'll come as soon as I can. Goodbye," Lina muttered through the phone, before turning to Robards apologetically. "I'm sorry," she said, sincerely. "Does it hurt?"

"No, you're good, Lina," was his reply, "I pulled away just in time. I was just looking for you because you took a long time for a break, but now that I think about it - take the rest of the day off."

"What?" she questioned.

"Take the rest of the day off," he repeated. "You've been working hard for us recently, and clearly you have some things to work through."

Lina studied the Head-Auror, before she decided that _yes _she would take the day off, before she snapped at someone. _How could _Percabeth _split? _"Thank you, Robards."

Meanwhile, Annabeth was laughing as she closed the call. "Stage one is in motion: she's riled up."

"Have you considered being an actor?" laughed Percy, looking at her. "You responded...as if we were truly splitting up and addressed her comebacks _perfectly."_

Annabeth smirked, "Seaweed Brain, you already know that _this is only the beginning. _She's coming to America as soon as she can, and you and I have to up the _we hate each other _game…" she paused, "Ohhh! _Sophia._ I forgot about _Sophia._ What if she says something?" she said, referring to their daughter who was currently having a playdate with Frank, Jason and Piper's son.

"_Sophia?"_ questioned Percy. "She's _two! _She honestly can't influence things _that _much, right?"

"Well, she's more observant than she looks, understands conversations well, and worships Lina. She heard the whole conversation we had with Draco. She _knows _he was over in our house without Lina. If Lina came, all Sophia had to do was point us out to her, say the words _Draco did this _and then -"

"She wouldn't just...rat us out to Lina just like that, right?" said Percy, uncertainly. Annabeth gave him a look, and he realized that _yes she would._

"It's fine," he said quickly. "When I pick her up, I'll bribe her with sweets to keep quiet."

"You are going to _bribe _our daughter?" hissed Annabeth.

"Can you think of a better idea?" retorted Percy, "You do have a point, Wise-Girl, between dealing with both Sophia and Estelle, two-year-olds don't have filters. But they _do_ respond well to bribes, and we want this to work, don't we?"

Annabeth was reluctant, but nodded all the same. "Just this once. For the sake of the prank."

* * *

"I'm really sorry for the short notice, but starting tomorrow I'm going to be away for a couple of days," said Lina. Draco had spent the past half-hour reading a magazine and watching his girlfriend pace throughout their house like she was a caged animal, but she refused to tell him what was wrong until now.

Draco definitely had an idea of _where, _but he played innocent. "Where to, Lina? Do you have an Auror mission?"

"New Rome," she finally said, continuing her pacing. "To stay with Percy and Annabeth. I've already cleared things up with Robards that I'll be gone from the Aurors from this Friday through next Thursday. Apparently they have been having _marital issues _and are thinking about splitting, which...I mean, it's ridiculous. You can even see in their faces that they can't live without the other. I think they're making a mistake, and hopefully we can all figure this out."

"Well, if that's the case, flower, why don't you let me go with you?" said Draco. _They probably needed backup._ "I may or may not be able to help with things."

"No," she said bluntly.

"Why _not?" _he countered. "I mean...you're clearly extremely tense. You won't be able to convince anyone to do anything in this state."

"I'm not _tense!" _Lina snapped at him, but contradicted herself when she resumed her pacing.

Draco sighed and strode over to his girlfriend, forcibly putting his hands on her shoulders so that she'd stop the pacing. "I'm sure I can take a couple days off training. What harm could it do if I went to New Rome with you? Two people working to fix the issue might be better than one," he said placatingly. "We can stay in their guest room...go out to that really nice Italian restaurant together, _hmm?"_

Lina sighed. "Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt if we went together," she finally said.

"Then it's settled, love," he said, with finality. "We'll leave tomorrow."

* * *

Draco was still trying to hide his laughter from when he was telling Blaise all about he and Lina's little _getaway_ as he opened the door.

"Hey, love, ready?" he asked her. She _looked _ready and waiting, but he was warily eyeing the folded clothes on the bed and her completely unpacked suitcase.

"Oh, you're finally here," Lina said breathlessly. She merely flicked her wand at the suitcase, and he watched as everything fell into place.

_Oh, right._

"Shall we?" she said softly, holding out her hand for him to take.

He grabbed his own suitcase, and squeezed her hand. "I promise you, flower. Whatever goes down in New Rome, _we'll be okay."_

She gave him a small, shaky smile, before they both Disapparated to New Rome.

* * *

Draco and Lina arrived at Percy and Annabeth's house, knocking on the door.

"So...are _we _going to be the peaceful couple for once?" asked Draco, raising an eyebrow.

"Now isn't the time and place for this," said Lina tersely, her eyes completely focused on the door, which opened to reveal a disheveled Annabeth.

"Fire-Girl," she said warmly, hugging her. "You've brought Draco along, I see."

"I hope it's not a bother," said Lina, her voice clipped. "I just want to talk to you both, see what's going on -"

"You _know _what's going on," said Annabeth, imitating that same clipped tone, but not before she turned to Draco and winked discreetly while Lina wasn't looking. "Come in, you two."

Suddenly, there were quick and loud footsteps. Sophia had heard them. Draco leaned down to greet her, but he was quite literally pushed aside as the little girl decided to launch herself onto Lina instead.

"Oh, Auntie, I _knew _you'd come see me!" she gushed.

"Oh, how could I not see my _favorite_ niece?" said Lina sweetly, picking up the toddler and kissing her forehead.

"I made you a drawing! Come look!" the little girl squealed.

"A _drawing? _For _me? _You really are the best niece ever, am I right?" Lina allowed herself to be dragged off by Sophia, leaving Draco alone in the living room with Annabeth.

"So...where's Percy?" he asked her.

"_Percy _is merely out with Jason, however I'm going to stage a fight with him for going out and being 'irresponsible' when he returns," she smirked.

"When's he coming back?" asked Draco, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not sure," she finally said. "Anytime now. All I know is: get ready to provide all the emotional support possible. Percy and I have planned it all, and it isn't pretty."

"Do you think Sophia would reveal the prank?" asked Draco, looking in the direction where his girlfriend disappeared with his surrogate niece.

Annabeth hesitated, before saying, "..._We bribed her _to go along with our so-called separation. I don't approve of bribing kids, so we're never doing it again."

They quieted, though, because Lina came back into the room, carrying Sophia. "Where's Percy?" she asked her.

"He's _out," _said Annabeth, filling her voice with scorn. "Though, that seems to be all he does these days."

Sophia buried her face into Lina's shoulder, as the latter sighed. "Oh, Annabeth, this is probably a misunderstanding. Maybe he's just out with Jason. Or Frank."

"No. It's more than that. It's _more _than that. I can't explain," sighed Annabeth, putting her head in her hands. Meanwhile, it took all of Draco's willpower not to laugh at this scene.

"What do _you _think he's doing then?" asked Lina, raising an eyebrow. "_Gently, _love, you're going to pull my hair out," she added softly to Sophia, who was playing with her hair.

Annabeth sighed, loudly. "It's not _what_ he's doing, it's _how much _he's doing it. I feel like he cares more about his outer life than Sophia and I."

"I doubt that's true," said Lina, her voice emphatic. "He's probably busy, that's all."

Suddenly, the door opened, revealing Percy. Annabeth glared at him, "_Where have you been?" _she demanded.

"Oh, I was out with Jason," he said nonchalantly, but upon seeing Lina in the house, his voice grew far colder. "But why does it _matter _anyway?"

"It matters to me," said Annabeth, "You haven't been home steadily for weeks now. I mean, what does this mean for us, our future _dreams _ -"

Percy paused. "I'm starting to think we should put a halt to the future," he said, and he paused. "...As well as our relationship."

Lina gasped in horror. "_You don't mean that!"_

"Well, I've been seeing that for a while," said Annabeth coldly. "You've been running away from responsibility. You've been running away from _me."_

Percy paused for a moment, "I'm sorry if I've been making you feel that way," he finally said quietly.

Lina's eyes lit up with hope at the possible reconciliation attempt. She looked down at little Sophia, who'd fallen asleep in her embrace, and ran a gentle hand through her dark black hair. _Surely she wouldn't take a split between her parents well? _What Lina didn't know is that her boyfriend was studying her carefully, suppressing a smirk.

"I'm not sure sorry is enough," said Annabeth, her voice quiet. "I'd much rather you _showed _me, and thought about our future. And Sophia's future."

"I'm sorry…" he trailed off, "...I care about you. I care about _Sophia, _but I feel like everything's moving too fast. Do we really have to think about the future right at this moment? The specifics? We're only finishing up college once, why can't we just have fun?"

"Because a relationship isn't _just _about that," Annabeth's voice was low.

"If I may," interjected Lina, trying to play peacemaker. "I really do think a compromise would work here: maybe fun _and _future? I can see both your sides: Annabeth, planning is important, and Percy, the future is...scary. But a compromise could -"

"_Lina, _how on earth could I compromise with this _slob?" _she demanded furiously, pointing at Percy.

Lina faltered. "Slob? Don't you think that's a little too fa -"

"How on _earth _could I _compromise _with someone so uptight?" Percy's voice was venomous.

Annabeth gasped indignantly. "You know what, what are we waiting for? If we clearly don't meet each other's needs, we should file for divorce! I might as well pursue that New York architects internship I've been offered."

Percy paused, before he nodded. "I agree," was all he said, before he left the room.

* * *

"I just don't _get it, _Drake. I get that they want different things, but they should be able to compromise, I mean...don't they love each other so much that they literally kept each other sane in _Tartarus? TARTARUS! _That was _not _even a bad argument! I would say...level five out of ten. You and I argue way worse than them, yet we're still here and together," cried Lina, shoveling spaghetti in her mouth.

He sighed. "I really don't know what's going on in their heads, flower," he said emphatically. "Statistics show that 45 percent of first-time, early, passionate marriages end badly, though." This merely earned him a withering glare from Lina.

To clear her mind, Draco decided to take his girlfriend, who was becoming more and more of an emotional wreck, on a romantic date to their favorite New Rome Italian restaurant. But instead of her mind being cleared, the only difference is that now she had the opportunity to lament _and _eat at the same time, and he was basically being treated like a personal therapist instead of a boyfriend.

"Percabeth is literally natural law," she said, "The fact that you and I are holding fast and they can't astounds me."

"...So you think that we're not as good of a relationship as them?" asked Draco, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, it's nothing against you, love. _Nobody _is as good of a relationship as them," was the reply. "If they break up, then I feel like...well. I feel like something's _wrong."_

He reached over, squeezing her hand. "I know that this whole thing is...hard for you to grasp," he finally said.

"It's almost fake," she mused, slowly eating her side salad. "...Like a prank. But surely they wouldn't fuck me over like this...it's not like they're involved in the prank war."

Draco paled internally, but managed to keep in check. She was right. There have been many instances in the past two years in which _Percy and Annabeth _were the ones holding fast while _he and Lina _were not. The whole thing seemed so fake. Luckily she was merely speculating, but if he showed her _any _signs, she'd call it out immediately.

"Of course they're not involved in the prank war, flower," he lied, keeping his voice both convincing and soothing. "_You _didn't tell her about it, and _neither did I."_

Lina hesitated for a moment, before finally nodding. "It just...seems too sudden."

He agreed with her, and did whatever he could in order to soothe her _fears. _Eventually they changed route, and Draco decided that they were going to a pub after dinner. If anything would clear her mind, it's some alcohol.

"You know any good pubs here, flower?"

Lina took a breath. "Actually, no. I usually crash with the Jacksons while I'm here, and because of Sophia-"

He nodded in understanding. "I can cover you tonight when we get back there. Make it look like you're sober. I'm sure you remember that one time when you were wasted, and then you realized that you promised Granger that you'd be at some late night work event of hers -"

She laughed, "_How _you managed to get me through that event in one piece _and _fool Mione, I have yet to know."

"There's one," he pointed at an area that read "PORTER'S BAR AND PUB."

"I could use some, to be honest," she said, and let him lead her inside. In the pub, there were people that looked to be in their mid twenties and early thirties, and suddenly they felt extremely young.

The bartender was a guy who looked to be their age, but maybe a year or two older. "Well, well, well. Look who it is. Lina Quimby," he smirked. "You've certainly changed in the past five years."

"And if it isn't Edward Richards," she returned, raising an eyebrow. "Last time I saw you, you tried to _hurl a plate at me _because I was _Greek."_

"He _WHAT?" _Draco spluttered, but was ignored.

"No," he corrected, "The _last time I saw you _was at Camp Half-Blood after the war five years ago to _apologize_ for that."

"Of course," she drawled, and Draco was eyeing this exchange with a jealous glance. Edward was eyeing her slender figure in a hungry way that Draco didn't like.

"Hi, I'm Draco Malfoy. I've been her steady boyfriend for two years," Draco introduced, tensely.

"You have nothing to worry about love, I swear on the Styx that I haven't talked to Edward since I was fifteen," said Lina, soothingly, but Edward's tone told him that he had _everything _to worry about.

"The boyfriend, huh?" asked Edward, raising an eyebrow. He gave him a sneering once-over, before turning his attention back to Lina, his eyes immediately turning from sneering to good-natured. "So, you twenty-one yet, Quimby?"

"Twenty-one?" asked Lina, confused. "I thought of age was seventeen, and I'm twenty, which is three years above that…"

Draco looked confused as well.

Edward chuckled good naturedly, much to Draco's annoyance. "Now I've _heard _that you've been in London for quite a while, but don't tell me that you don't even know our legal drinking age?"

"You lot have to be _twenty one _before you can drink?" asked Lina, her eyes widening.

Edward shrugged. "I mean, to be honest, people do it underage illegally. Twenty. Twenty-one. Whatever. Order, I won't tell."

"I'll just take a vodka. Drake, what do you want?" asked Lina, looking at him.

Draco slipped an arm around Lina, much to Edward's chagrin. "I'll take the same as her, please."

The couple paid for their small bottled vodkas and left the pub. Edward called, "Hey, Quimby, my bed is always open if your relationship with rich-looking blondie doesn't work out!"

Lina looked horrified.

"Hey, Edward! _FUCK YOU!"_ yelled Draco in response, quickly ushering his girlfriend out and giving him the middle finger.

"I'm sorry, that was _weird. _I don't remember him having a thing for me back in the day," frowned Lina, opening her drink.

"Wouldn't be the first time I've had to protect my territory in front of creepy guys in their mid-twenties in the past two years," said Draco easily, causing her to glare at him.

"I just want to get wasted and _forget _about a potential Percabeth divorce," she finally said, pressing her lips to her drink.

"Just drink a _little _at a time, flower -" he started to say, but it was too late, for she pretty much downed her bottle of vodka before he could even finish his sentence. "...Or just drink the whole thing at once, it'll be fine."

It was _not _fine. What he had hoped would get her to relax for at least tonight could have potentially ruined the whole prank. They continued walking through the streets as he slowly drank his bottle.

An unsuspecting pair of guys that looked about their age walked across the street, and Lina slurred out unexpectedly, "_Hey!_ did you know that Percabesh ish going to get a divorce?"

The guys looked horrified, and Draco sucked in a breath. "She's completely out of it -" he tried explaining; he couldn't have _that _going around New Rome. It would ruin the prank.

Lina ignored him and leaned near the guys. She stage whispered, "Would you like to donate to the cause of keeping them together?"

Before he could say anything else, they'd given her cash and went off.

"You can't just tell all of New Rome that!" he hissed at her, nearly stopping her from falling.

"If enough people give cash we might be able to stop the divorsh from happening," she reasoned airily, and before she could skip off, he grabbed her wrist.

"Maybe we should get back to the house," said Draco, but he wondered if he could _truly _hide from little Sophia that her aunt could barely see straight at the moment.

"_Why would we?"_ cried Lina, offended at the mere thought. She jerked her arm away from him roughly, glaring at him with daggers in her eyes. Just then, another group of people were coming by, and as she was about to call out to them, possibly to "raise money so Percabeth could stay together," he stopped her once more.

"Flower...love...I'm really sorry about this," said Draco emphatically, pulling her close.

"Sorry about what?"

"_Stupefy," _he muttered, pulling her prone body close to him as he walked as fast as he could back to the Jackson house.

* * *

_Dralina— _I just couldn't stay in the house any longer, so I left. I'm with Frank and Hazel for the night. Sophia is with me. We're going to get the divorce papers. The guest room is still all set up for you two to sleep in, we'll both be back in the morning.

Love,

Annabeth

Draco picked up the note, reading it carefully. The house seemed empty and eerily quiet. It was too eerie for his tastes. He called to see if Percy was home, but there was no answer. Just him, Lina, and the empty house. He turned back to his girlfriend's prone form, flicking his wand, "finite incantatem."

Lina shot up, looking around, her eyes widened. She put a hand to her head. They narrowed as they settled on Draco. "You _stunned me, Malfoy!" _she snarled at him.

"Lina, you were going around asking people for _money _so Percabeth could stay together," deadpanned Draco. "_Money."_

"Was I?" she wondered, disoriented, holding her head. "Where's Percy and Annabeth?"

"Nobody seems to be here, love," said Draco. But she wasn't paying attention to him, her eyes instead focusing in on the note in his hand. He tried to hide it, but she leaned over, making a grab for it and snatching it right out of his hand.

"_Divorce papers?_" cried Lina in horror, her eyes widened. She turned to him, "_Divorce papers? _With _signatures?" _

Draco looked at her, his face signaling defeat. He merely comforted her as she cried, relishing in the obvious victory.

* * *

The next morning, Lina woke up, rubbing her head. The events from last night were fuzzy in her brain, but she was pretty sure divorce papers were involved. She looked next to her in the guest bed to find it empty; Draco was nowhere to be seen. It did, however, look like it'd been _slept in, _so he was definitely there at some point.

Halfheartedly, she got ready and dressed and left the room, only to hear voices coming from the living room downstairs.

"Divorce papers?" she could hear Draco's voice, quiet and low.

"Divorce papers," she heard Annabeth's quiet voice confirming her question.

"And...Lina fell for it?" asked Percy.

"Hook, line, and sinker," deadpanned Draco, and they all started laughing quietly.

Lina's eyes widened as she backed up until she felt a cold wall. Part of her was so very _relieved, _Percabeth wasn't getting a divorce after all, and how could they after all they'd been through?

The other part of her was furious. So Draco had gone and enlisted Percabeth? And they decided to _betray her? _

"Oh hello," said Lina, letting her icy cold voice carry down over their balcony. Percy, Annabeth, and Draco all jumped, looking up in horror.

"How - how much did you hear?" asked Percy, but it was clear that all three of them were trying to hide their snickering.

"I've heard enough," she replied evenly, walking down the stairs to face them. "So," she drawled. "There's no divorce and this was all a _prank." _

"How _could _we divorce?" asked Annabeth, her voice serious. She and Percy exchanged a look of horror at the thought, and Lina pursed her lips. Now _this _was the Percabeth that she knew. She nearly cried with relief, before realizing she was pissed off.

"You two," she snarled angrily, "Decided to align with _Draco _against me?"

"What better way to get revenge against you for all the pranks you've done to the two of us over the years, Fire-Girl?" added Percy, raising an eyebrow.

"It was Blaise and I's idea to go to them, flower," said Draco, unable to hide the wide smirk forming on his face. "Point, Team Draco."

"You all are _dead to me,"_ she finally managed to gasp out as she went up the stairs, "_All of you except Sophia!" _

She hurried back up the stairs to grab her phone and tell Hermione all about this terrifying ordeal.

* * *

**a/n: dw i would never break up percabeth! :p ch 6 and ch 7 are still being written, but hopefully (maybe?) i can get something up soon. but over the holidays i was OUT THERE with those spinoffs. ily all x **

**please r&r :)**

**-ana**


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